Faded…..

 { January 24, 2008 @ 5:12 am }

now i don’t feel like it.
I seem not to miss it.
it’s like i don’t want it anymore.
I don’t have the longing.
the wanting is gone.
the need is not felt anymore.
not like before….
that I seem to miss it,
it’s like everyday I’m longing for it..
wanting it..
missing it.
but now those feelings are gone.
slowly dying….
I’m losing them.
bits by bits..
slowly fading away…..

HELP ME.. I’M SINKING…

{ January 20, 2008 @ 8:07 am }

i’m so not feeling good right now. there are lots of things running in my head. i’m confused, i’m scared, i’m worried, terrified. i really dont know what to do. for now, i feel like i wanna be in a far far place. be alone, with nobody, nothing, only by myslef. i feel calm outside, but deep inside me… i’m in a state of confusion, exhaustion, unrest. i dont know.  i wanna  act on things, but i’m scared of the outcome it may  bring out.  i’m afraid to take steps.. i’m afraid i might be doing the wrong thing again.
i guess from the start, i already made a wrong decision. and from that wrong decision, i am suffering this things right now. i dont know. i want to let go.. but i cant, i just cant. i feel like i’m tied in it….. i cant loose. i cant be free… i’m stuck…. i’m just sinking… sinking… deeper.. deeper.. and way way deeper..
i guess i’ll never get out of this. i’ll never ever have the chance to be free.. this will just consume me… eat me.. swallow me… this will be apart of me.. forever. consuming my whole being..
i just cant free myself. i dont know how. i wanted to.. but i just cant. no matter how i tried,.. i cant. i’m afraid to take action. i’m afraid. scared. terrified… unrest…

help me… help me.. i’m consumed….. i’m going deeper…. so deep……. i can never free myself from this abyss… i’m just sinking… just sinking…. lower.. deeper….

WHAT THE?!!!

 { January 14, 2008 @ 5:02 am }

########################################

What the f*** is wrong with me?

Do You know? Can you please tell me?!

I now don’t understand myself.

So Stupid that’s what I felt.

But I thank the way you try to understand.

Even though it’s not what your heart commands.

But for all this I have discovered

You’re love for me uncovered

I’ve seen that you are really True.

And more and more I’m loving you.

This may sound so corny.

So stupid you may know.

But I tell you I’m not emo.

It’s just that I’m loving you so.

~kOtitOt~

########################################

FOR WHAT I’VE DONE

{ January 14, 2008 @ 4:38 am }

#########################################

Now I’m feeling blue,

Because I don’t want to lose you

I’m missing you a lot right now,

But, promise I won’t break my vow.

I’m hoping you won’t change,

And your love still be the same.

Begging for you to wait for me,

And love me as you would be.

I’m deeply sorry for what I’ve done

Admit the mistake that I begun.

I know I am wrong.

And forgiveness is what I long.

I’m hoping you’ll forgive me,

And wishing that you can see

How crushed I am inside

Feeling I’m trying to hide.

Please love me still

Like you did before

I beg you now.

And I’ll beg for more.

This poem will now end

Hoping to see you again.

Yearning it to be soon

I’m sending my wish to the moon.

I’M SO SORRY

~kOtitOt~

#########################################

Being with YOU

{ September 10, 2008 @ 5:04 pm } 

Sinking and faded i was once,

thinking of things i should have not done.

feeling so restless and so blue,

i felt so down and not so true.

Struggling i was for i cannot think well

trying to break the casted spell.

my heart crush and tortured

bleeding and un-nurtured.

The time that i was so down and low,

I thank God for bringing you so.

Made me think more postively

makes me love my life greatly.

You brougth happines to me

I really enjoy your company.

You never promised me anything,

but your actions speaks so promising.

You made me laugh and smile

Acts i will never lose awhile.

thinking of all the moments be ours all the time

Being with you i want for a lifetime.

REaLIzATION

{ February 19, 2009 @ 9:53 pm } 


hmmmm.. dugay mn ko wla ka post ba….
It’s been quite awhile that i had a chance to visit my blog.
despite of the busy(echos) schedule and lots of paper works to do, i again got the chance to pour my thoughts out here in my blog page.I just realized lots of things after a long while of observing.
there are still many people who kept on coming to you when they need you, but in the end you’ll see that they are not even thankful about it. It’s like they’re just taking you for granted. Although i don’t give much attention to it, it just seems so sad that your efforts were still useless. Not that your trying to make them count, the thing i just want to consider is what I call gratitude. A little appreciation wont hurt. But admiration for what others did will actually boost them and let them continue doing what they do best.I do believe many will agree on that.for all the experience i had in my college life, the org, my classmates, all the activities and other extra curricular, i guess as what some of my classmates just said and my mom as well, i really did let others depend on me too much, instead of teaching them or letting them do their task, i guess i was too nice to even do it for them instead of just guiding them.In fact, we’re the same busy students, yet i get to do the task not intended for me, and set a side my priorities for them to be accommodated.. ones is enough, twice is too much. Not that helping is wrong, but letting them depend on you and making you do most of the work intended for them is the one that’s not right. I already graduated from college yet, i’m still binded to it. Thinking it will be appreciated, with the heat of the sun, the waste of money, waste of time, my mother scolding, and others telling me the same thing just like before, letting them depend. I guess not everyone knows how to appreciate. But for all those, and for quite a long time, this is the only time i realize, i really need to learn my lesson, and well, keeping a bit of a wooden heart for all the begging and the favors. Saying NO, must be a NO and not a yes or an OK…
again.. a Lesson learned.. SAY NO…