Tuesday, November 2, 2010


Its been quite a while that i have
been feeling so weak. so sad... so
confused.. so disturbed. so broken..
so fragile.. so emotional. its been a
month now.... and still the same
feeling consuming me... and every time
I remember everything i cant help my
tears from falling.. Its because of so
much hurt I feel inside. I want to get
over it.. but its so hard... They said
make yourself busy.. I tried.. but it
keeps hunting me.. It keeps on saying
how stupid I become. Telling me that I
should have not nurtured it in the
first place. That I should have
followed my head and not my heart..

From the beginning I know it will hurt 
me so much.. But I was so hard headed
to believe it because for once It made
me happy.. and made someone happy...
But i knew it was wrong...

since the time I broke my promises to
someone who has been with me for
years, encouraging me, supporting me,
and loving me so much, I said I'll
never make one again.

I'll never make a forever promise.. 

I'll never make an only you promise..

I'll never make a forever us promise....

I'll never make an only yours promise...

This are promises that are usually
broken.. when you said it at first you
were so certain about the future..
because you're so in love.. so much
feeling that you can't control.. never
thinking that time may change
everything... that in time every word
you said will be just plain words..
with the broken promises I made, I
know I betrayed that person. I caused
so much hurt just to have my own
selfish happiness. I know I have hurt a lot
of people involved. And knowing that I
did, It consumes me inside.. keep
on telling how I ruined the hope I
have given. the promises I made...
I've been trying to make myself busy.
Trying to forget what happened.. try
to enjoy myself to forget.. try to
occupy my thoughts with fun stuff..
anything that can get me off the sad
and horrible thoughts that I have. But
I know its just momentarily. When I'm
alone... when I'm quiet... it again
enters my head. and made me think again.
I believe I was plain stupid. 
Instead of promising someone something
impossible to fulfill, it's better
to do your best instead... and give 
your best effort in everything...

It is true words are cheap. they are 
just words. that's why we call them
sweet nothings.. because they are just 
nothing.. they will only have meaning
when they are fulfilled. when they are
acted upon. I was stupid to believe
and to value the words that was said..
I learned that it isn't true that when
people say they wont change, they
really wont.. Instead of holding on to
those words from the beginning, expect
that they will change... in the
shortest period of time possible. 
in that way you won't be expecting too
much. and when that time comes 
that they'll leave you... 
time that they have changed...

hopefully it won't hurt that much... 

Never ever believe people  when 
they say that they'll never leave you... 
never believe when they say they'll love 
you forever.. That they'll improve their
love... that you should value the
words they say... never ever...
especially when the relationship just
started... cause if you  do and it
didn't came out the way they said
it... you will just feel stupid... you
will just feel sorry for yourself... 

stupid for believing every bit of it...
especially when you tried your very
best.. gave all your efforts.. and in
trying you already hurt a lot of people
around you... you learned to lie.. you
tried to give time.. you tried to find
ways even though how risky it takes..
but you still tried... because it
makes you happy.. and makes someone
happy... but after all those happiness,
when everything changes.. 
you'll be left wounded.. left broken.
left hurt...

and when it hurt...it really hurts a lot...

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