I Always Have and Always Will

At dahil may ilang buwan na akong walang mapost dahil sa sabaw lagi ang utak ko.. at busibusihan ako..magrerepost nalang ako.. :) have a great vacation!

Let me tell you something you don’t know,

or I guess you don't know.

Something I kept for so long.

You're my first love.

Corny isn't it?

Sounds like something on those chick flicks that you see.

But hey, that's no drama, that's no fiction.

It's reality, it’s truth.

It's you... I have loved for so long.

You can’t tell right?

Or maybe you did, yet you didn’t assume?

Or maybe you did, but you didn’t mind?

I know what I'm good at.

I'm good at pretending.

Yes, I'm the great Pretender.

I get envious you know.

Just like any other girls do.

But I don't show it.

Or at least you didn't notice.

Or maybe you do, but you just didn’t mind?

I get jealous too you know.

I get jealous to all those girls you talked about.

How you admire them,

How you were captivated by their looks,

How your heart beats for them,

I had wished it would have been me instead.

I had wished it will happen to me too.

I had wished you would love me too.

I get jealous when you talk about your EXes.

I feel sad when you talk about your escapades.

My heart breaks every time you talk about your mistakes.

You may not see it, but I also feel your regrets.

It may not be noticeable but I sympathize when you’re hurt.

When you’re happy, I’m also happy for you.

You just don’t know how I’m a bit mad at you for being stupid before,

For not listening to the people around you.

For being slow on the very obvious teaching being said up front.

For loving her so much even if you know things are not going right,

For protecting and defending her even if she is cursing you.

For disregarding the words of the mature.

But those days were over.

I was glad when I heard you were free.

Not because I want to replace her,

I was just plainly happy for you.

Knowing that everyone who cares for you is also delighted.

Seeing and knowing that you’re happy is also my joy.

Writing this isn’t easy either.

Words I need to swallow.

Tears trying to escape my eyes

Reminiscing those cheerless thoughts,

This is just one of those ways I know to express what I feel.

I love you.

I always have.

and I always will.

Maybe you’ll wonder why I can say I love you yet I don’t want an US.

One, I’m not worth it, I know.

You’re better off with someone you really deserve.

Two, I don’t want an unhealthy relationship.

You know what I mean by that, I’ve said it for the Nth time.

Three, I want to be respected,

I know I don’t deserve it, but that’s one thing I really wish someone would do for me.

Four, I don’t want to be taken advantage because of my past.

I know that is the norm of the worldly, but I’m a Christian.

Five, I need someone who will help me live right.

It’s not an easy wish, I can tell, but I’m tired of living in it.

I’m fed up seeing myself fall into the same transgression.

It’s as if I never learned. I guess I’m just naturally stupid. 

I love you.

I always have.

and I always will.

But that’s just it.

I prefer being alone.

I prefer staying single.

For in singleness I sin less.

I’m far from committing the same dreadful mistake.

I want to straighten up my ever so crooked life.

Still, I wish for your happiness.

I wish for someone you really deserve.

Someone who will love you, and will make you happy.

I love you.

I always have.

and I always will.

Jan 15, 2012

-Anonymous-