Duster

Habang naglalakad ako kanina from Edsa Ayala, binaybay ang Ayala Ave, patungo Dela Rosa.. At ng maka abot ako ng SPI Makai, doon ko naramdaman ang masarap na ihip ng hangin sa aking pisngi, sa aking balat. And then I realized pawis na pawis na pala ako. Sino ba naman hindi mapapawisan sa init at sa layo ng lalakarin. At mas lalong papawisan ka ng bongga pag nagmamadali ka. mabilis na lakad na animoy walking run.. Pero inisasaisip ko lang na exercise ko ito. Para naman hindi sumama ang loob ko. Nakatipid kana, nag exercise kapa. Bongga!

At dahil narasapan ako sa hangin, at napansin ko ang aking pawis naisipan ko na gumamit ng footbridge instead na maglakad sa baba. At nang pa akyat ako ng footbridge nag sisipol ako. Animoy tumatawag sa hangin. Hindi naman ganun ka effective pero prang nakaugalian ko na mag sipol pag naiinitan. And I continue walking.. and I realized.. Maganda pala gumamit ng footbridge lalo na yung may cover, aside sa hnd ka maiinitan, ang hangin naman ay tumutuyo sa pawisan mong katawan... isama mo na ang pawisan na kili-kili.. Yes! tinataas-taas ko ang aking kamay para namn pumasok ang hangin sa aking sleeves at syempre.. matuyo kahit onti ang aking namamasang kili-kili... And I suddenly thought.. Gusto ko mag suot ng duster.. yung presko.. yung cotton.. yung malamig suotin... at naisip ko.. sana.. pwede magduster sa office. Kung pwede lang talaga magsusuot ako. Yung parang feeling mo summer lang na naglalakad ka at nagsto-strolling.. pero actually papunta talaga ng office. Presko ang feeling at magaan.

Kelan kaya magiging pwede ang duster sa Office?

Tawa Much to myself

Natatawa naman ako sa sarili ko habang tumutug-tug ang aking best friend Mp3 sayaw playlist..

parang napapaindak aking whole body. Hahah.. lalo na ng tumugtug ang Mundian To Bach Ke (yung bilog ang mundo tawag ng iba, yung sa ads ng Ginebra dati). Parang nagpupumiglas ang aking bewang para gumiling-giling. Hahahah…

At ng tumugtog naman ang Apologize ng Timbaland, ang aking leeg naman parang na exorcist hnd napipigilan gumalaw. Haha. To the left to the right ang movement ng aking beloved neck. Hahaha… parang gusto sana mag Indian movement. Nyahahaha… so nahiya naman ako sa aking neck movement kaya ng shake2 nalang ako ng aking hand.. left hand.. hahahaha.. waaaaaaaaaaaaah!!!

At ng tumugtug naman ang Buttons ng Pusy Cat Dolls.. Aba! Parang gusto kung tumayo at gawin ang steps na naaalala ko..

Parang gusto ko mag shake2! As in shake shake to the left to the left at to the right to the right…

Naman!!! Pigil na pigil ako.. na feeling ko e sayaw na sayaw na ang aking bodylicious! Hahaha

Wala lang.. gusto ko lang ishare.. hehehe

Faded…..

 { January 24, 2008 @ 5:12 am }

now i don’t feel like it.
I seem not to miss it.
it’s like i don’t want it anymore.
I don’t have the longing.
the wanting is gone.
the need is not felt anymore.
not like before….
that I seem to miss it,
it’s like everyday I’m longing for it..
wanting it..
missing it.
but now those feelings are gone.
slowly dying….
I’m losing them.
bits by bits..
slowly fading away…..

HELP ME.. I’M SINKING…

{ January 20, 2008 @ 8:07 am }

i’m so not feeling good right now. there are lots of things running in my head. i’m confused, i’m scared, i’m worried, terrified. i really dont know what to do. for now, i feel like i wanna be in a far far place. be alone, with nobody, nothing, only by myslef. i feel calm outside, but deep inside me… i’m in a state of confusion, exhaustion, unrest. i dont know.  i wanna  act on things, but i’m scared of the outcome it may  bring out.  i’m afraid to take steps.. i’m afraid i might be doing the wrong thing again.
i guess from the start, i already made a wrong decision. and from that wrong decision, i am suffering this things right now. i dont know. i want to let go.. but i cant, i just cant. i feel like i’m tied in it….. i cant loose. i cant be free… i’m stuck…. i’m just sinking… sinking… deeper.. deeper.. and way way deeper..
i guess i’ll never get out of this. i’ll never ever have the chance to be free.. this will just consume me… eat me.. swallow me… this will be apart of me.. forever. consuming my whole being..
i just cant free myself. i dont know how. i wanted to.. but i just cant. no matter how i tried,.. i cant. i’m afraid to take action. i’m afraid. scared. terrified… unrest…

help me… help me.. i’m consumed….. i’m going deeper…. so deep……. i can never free myself from this abyss… i’m just sinking… just sinking…. lower.. deeper….

WHAT THE?!!!

 { January 14, 2008 @ 5:02 am }

########################################

What the f*** is wrong with me?

Do You know? Can you please tell me?!

I now don’t understand myself.

So Stupid that’s what I felt.

But I thank the way you try to understand.

Even though it’s not what your heart commands.

But for all this I have discovered

You’re love for me uncovered

I’ve seen that you are really True.

And more and more I’m loving you.

This may sound so corny.

So stupid you may know.

But I tell you I’m not emo.

It’s just that I’m loving you so.

~kOtitOt~

########################################

FOR WHAT I’VE DONE

{ January 14, 2008 @ 4:38 am }

#########################################

Now I’m feeling blue,

Because I don’t want to lose you

I’m missing you a lot right now,

But, promise I won’t break my vow.

I’m hoping you won’t change,

And your love still be the same.

Begging for you to wait for me,

And love me as you would be.

I’m deeply sorry for what I’ve done

Admit the mistake that I begun.

I know I am wrong.

And forgiveness is what I long.

I’m hoping you’ll forgive me,

And wishing that you can see

How crushed I am inside

Feeling I’m trying to hide.

Please love me still

Like you did before

I beg you now.

And I’ll beg for more.

This poem will now end

Hoping to see you again.

Yearning it to be soon

I’m sending my wish to the moon.

I’M SO SORRY

~kOtitOt~

#########################################

Being with YOU

{ September 10, 2008 @ 5:04 pm } 

Sinking and faded i was once,

thinking of things i should have not done.

feeling so restless and so blue,

i felt so down and not so true.

Struggling i was for i cannot think well

trying to break the casted spell.

my heart crush and tortured

bleeding and un-nurtured.

The time that i was so down and low,

I thank God for bringing you so.

Made me think more postively

makes me love my life greatly.

You brougth happines to me

I really enjoy your company.

You never promised me anything,

but your actions speaks so promising.

You made me laugh and smile

Acts i will never lose awhile.

thinking of all the moments be ours all the time

Being with you i want for a lifetime.

REaLIzATION

{ February 19, 2009 @ 9:53 pm } 


hmmmm.. dugay mn ko wla ka post ba….
It’s been quite awhile that i had a chance to visit my blog.
despite of the busy(echos) schedule and lots of paper works to do, i again got the chance to pour my thoughts out here in my blog page.I just realized lots of things after a long while of observing.
there are still many people who kept on coming to you when they need you, but in the end you’ll see that they are not even thankful about it. It’s like they’re just taking you for granted. Although i don’t give much attention to it, it just seems so sad that your efforts were still useless. Not that your trying to make them count, the thing i just want to consider is what I call gratitude. A little appreciation wont hurt. But admiration for what others did will actually boost them and let them continue doing what they do best.I do believe many will agree on that.for all the experience i had in my college life, the org, my classmates, all the activities and other extra curricular, i guess as what some of my classmates just said and my mom as well, i really did let others depend on me too much, instead of teaching them or letting them do their task, i guess i was too nice to even do it for them instead of just guiding them.In fact, we’re the same busy students, yet i get to do the task not intended for me, and set a side my priorities for them to be accommodated.. ones is enough, twice is too much. Not that helping is wrong, but letting them depend on you and making you do most of the work intended for them is the one that’s not right. I already graduated from college yet, i’m still binded to it. Thinking it will be appreciated, with the heat of the sun, the waste of money, waste of time, my mother scolding, and others telling me the same thing just like before, letting them depend. I guess not everyone knows how to appreciate. But for all those, and for quite a long time, this is the only time i realize, i really need to learn my lesson, and well, keeping a bit of a wooden heart for all the begging and the favors. Saying NO, must be a NO and not a yes or an OK…
again.. a Lesson learned.. SAY NO…

WHEN TO LET GO

By: BEZT

Imagine this. In your hand is a very precious creation, so fragile, so valuable that if you keep on holding, it would either stay or fall apart. But you loved this creature so much, so much that letting it go would be like letting go of you...r life as well. So much that sometimes you wished it would be forever. So much that you tend to be selfish at times so as you could make it stay for as long as you like. Don’t we all wish something “so good” could be forever? Don’t we all hope that happiness is there to stay?

There comes a time in our lives when we stumble on a person that is someone “so nice” and “almost perfect” and we just find ourselves getting so intensely attracted to that person (sometimes without even realizing it). This feeling soon becomes a part of our everyday lives and eventually guzzles our thoughts and actions to the extent that we tagged it as one of those what we say “too good to be true” thing.

The sad part there is when we begin to realize that, this particular person feels totally nothing ……….. A “thing” that would be forever a “thing” nothing more, nothing less… just a thing! You’re just another person for him/her, and that’s the fact! Then in our desperate attempt to get closer (or at least be noticed), our efforts are still futile and we end up sorry for ourselves.

One person said, never ever let your heart run your life, as much as you can, always be sensible and let your mind speak for itself. Try to listen not merely on what your feelings is invoking on you as a person but more importantly listen to reason as well.

Letting go of someone doesn’t necessarily mean you have to stop loving, it only means that you have to let that person to find his own happiness without expecting him to come back. Letting go is not just setting the other person free (in the real sense of it), but it is also setting yourself free from all animosity, revulsion, and resentment that was long kept in your heart. You have to let go because the bitterness that often puts away the strengths and weakens the littlest hope, making our lives more miserable than ever. Worst, presenting yourself as the “most affected one” sets the nastiest impression of all time—"what a loser"!

The trick there is… always remember that if you lose someone today, it means that someone better is coming tomorrow…

We can all survive with just beautiful memories of the past but real peace and happiness comes only with open acceptance of what reality is today. You really don’t have to forget someone you love (‘cause it’s hard). What we need to learn is how to accept the verdict of reality without being bitter or sorry for what we have become. I think it’s better that we give off that dedication and love to someone more deserving. Hmmm… “Who could it be” is the next interesting question to ponder. Let go of yesterday and love will find it’s way back to you. And when it does, pray hard that it may be the love that will stay and last a lifetime…

“IT’S BETTER TO HAVE LOVE AND LOST…

THAN NEVER HAVE LOVE AT ALL!!!”
<>

Broken

Its been quite a while that i have

been feeling so weak. so sad... so

confused.. so disturbed. so broken..

so fragile.. so emotional. its been a

month now.... and still the same

feeling consuming me... and every time

I remember everything i cant help my

tears from falling.. Its because of so

much hurt I feel inside. I want to get

over it.. but its so hard... They said

make yourself busy.. I tried.. but it

keeps hunting me.. It keeps on saying

how stupid I become. Telling me that I

should have not nurtured it in the

first place. That I should have

followed my head and not my heart..

From the beginning I know it will hurt 

me so much.. But I was so hard headed
to believe it because for once It made

me happy.. and made someone happy...

But i knew it was wrong...

since the time I broke my promises to

someone who has been with me for

years, encouraging me, supporting me,

and loving me so much, I said I'll

never make one again.

I'll never make a forever promise.. 

I'll never make an only you promise..

I'll never make a forever us promise....

I'll never make an only yours promise...

This are promises that are usually

broken.. when you said it at first you

were so certain about the future..

because you're so in love.. so much

feeling that you can't control.. never

thinking that time may change

everything... that in time every word

you said will be just plain words..

with the broken promises I made, I

know I betrayed that person. I caused

so much hurt just to have my own

selfish happiness. I know I have hurt a lot

of people involved. And knowing that I

did, It consumes me inside.. keep

on telling how I ruined the hope I

have given. the promises I made...

I've been trying to make myself busy.

Trying to forget what happened.. try

to enjoy myself to forget.. try to

occupy my thoughts with fun stuff..

anything that can get me off the sad

and horrible thoughts that I have. But

I know its just momentarily. When I'm

alone... when I'm quiet... it again

enters my head. and made me think again.

I believe I was plain stupid. 
Instead of promising someone something
impossible to fulfill, it's better
to do your best instead... and give 
your best effort in everything...



It is true words are cheap. they are 
just words. that's why we call them
sweet nothings.. because they are just 
nothing.. they will only have meaning

when they are fulfilled. when they are

acted upon. I was stupid to believe

and to value the words that was said..

I learned that it isn't true that when

people say they wont change, they

really wont.. Instead of holding on to

those words from the beginning, expect

that they will change... in the

shortest period of time possible. 
in that way you won't be expecting too

much. and when that time comes 
that they'll leave you... 
time that they have changed...

hopefully it won't hurt that much... 


Never ever believe people  when 
they say that they'll never leave you... 
never believe when they say they'll love 
you forever.. That they'll improve their

love... that you should value the

words they say... never ever...

especially when the relationship just

started... cause if you  do and it

didn't came out the way they said

it... you will just feel stupid... you

will just feel sorry for yourself... 


stupid for believing every bit of it...

especially when you tried your very

best.. gave all your efforts.. and in

trying you already hurt a lot of people

around you... you learned to lie.. you

tried to give time.. you tried to find

ways even though how risky it takes..

but you still tried... because it

makes you happy.. and makes someone

happy... but after all those happiness,
when everything changes.. 
you'll be left wounded.. left broken.
left hurt...

and when it hurt...it really hurts a lot...